and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
