Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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