Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
