I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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