I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
