i think my mom watched the whole time
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
