She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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