these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Randomize
