Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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