Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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