Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
