I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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