apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
