he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
