I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
