My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
