How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
