my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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