You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just made out with a guy for $7.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
They are going to name an STD after you.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
