I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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