I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
