kristin has been a bad kristin
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
