dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
