i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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