I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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