You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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