The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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