Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We have so much sex to catch up on
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
