the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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