Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
