this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
