Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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