There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
