You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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