my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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