Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
