he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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