also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
