Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
