why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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