Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
