Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
