There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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