I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
