he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
