R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
