the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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