I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
