My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
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