I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
