I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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