My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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